Andrew was still asleep. And I was not about to wake him. I rolled over (which is quite a process at 34 weeks pregnant) and looked at Tyler's sweet sleeping face. He was scrunched in his usual tight ball with his blanket cocooned around him. I still don't know exactly how he manages to get his long 6ft 2in frame into such a tight ball. But it's the reason we have never been able to share a blanket in our two and a half years of marriage. We are both blanket-hogs.
Abbie was curled up at our feet, snoring softly. I was feeling the nausea start to take over as Benjamin began to squirm in my tummy. I shut my eyes and waited for it to pass. I love Saturday for this reason- I can go at my own pace. As I waited, I thought about my Friday night. Tyler and I had sat down to talk about a plan so that (hopefully) by the end of the year I will be able to be a stay-at-home mom. This thought made me so happy it brought tears to my eyes. I really hope it works out.
I thought about how good life is. I'm the mother to a seriously cute little boy that I would do anything for. I am so proud to be Mrs. Tyler Furlong. I will soon deliver another son to sing to and read to. I have a dog. I have a small vintage house (seriously, 1950s!) that I love. Oh, how I love my house!
And it struck me that this time last year I wasn't sure if I wanted to be living at all. I felt like everything was falling apart. But I held on. I pushed through. I want to shout to that dark place in my head, the part that held me prisoner and say,
"LOOK AT ME NOW! Look at everything I have accomplished! I'm alive. And I'm happy! You were wrong. I CAN do this!"
I smiled. It was such a happy moment. And then I rolled out of bed, took a sip of water and headed to the bathroom to throw it up. I do this because it puts something in my stomach to throw up other than nasty stomach acid. I took medications and just then I heard soft singing coming from Andrew's room. I opened the door and found him on the floor with a book in his hands, singing as he flipped through the pages. He dropped the book when he saw me and toddled over for a hug. Soon all I could think about were those dimpled cheeks and his chubby arms around my neck.
He took my hand and led me to the kitchen and pointed to the toaster. He wanted me to make him our usual weekend breakfast- toast and honey. When did my baby get so big? I slipped on my apron and got to work while Andrew emptied my pots and pans from the bottom cupboard.
So now he is happily eating breakfast while we listen to some of my favorite lullabies on our old-fashioned record player. I'm letting Tyler sleep in today. Hopefully we can make more homemade chocolate-covered strawberries. Even if this weekend gets crazy and turns out to be stressful and miserable, I'm so thankful for such a beautiful Saturday morning. Mornings like this recharge me. It's such a good reminder to count my blessings more often.
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