Do-Watch Doris Day movies
Don't- Eat more Oreos than you need to... unless it was a really bad, sick-baby-puked-on-me-up-all-night-and-still-have-to-work kind of day.
Do- Go for a walk with someone you love. Go often. Not only does it make you feel good, but you get some quality time with that special someone.
Don't- Wear plaid and stripes together... just don't.
Do- Write handwritten Thank You Notes.
Don't- Forget to say, "I love you."
Do- Wear an apron, turn on your favorite tunes and dance in the kitchen.
Don't- put off doing laundry..
Speaking of laundry...
I'm going to bed! Sleep tight!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
Laugh it up, fuzz ball!
Things that have made me laugh in the last 24 hours
America's Funniest Home Videos (come on. You gotta admit its a funny show)
Tug's smiles and laughs
Starwars episode 5: the Empire strikes back... When Han Solo says to The wookie, "Laugh it up, fuzz ball!"
YouTube video titled "Burning my hair off"
And a panicked phone call from my youngest brother who thought he was going to bleed to death because he hit his nose and was bleeding from both nostrils.
Oh the funnies on Monday! Here's to a good week!!!
America's Funniest Home Videos (come on. You gotta admit its a funny show)
Tug's smiles and laughs
Starwars episode 5: the Empire strikes back... When Han Solo says to The wookie, "Laugh it up, fuzz ball!"
YouTube video titled "Burning my hair off"
And a panicked phone call from my youngest brother who thought he was going to bleed to death because he hit his nose and was bleeding from both nostrils.
Oh the funnies on Monday! Here's to a good week!!!
Memories in the making
I once heard a woman say her biggest regret with her children was not living in the moment. Always worrying about the laundry to be done, dinner to be cooked, a bathroom to clean. Never worrying about
THE NOW.
We spent this weekend doing art projects and with family. (And doing more looking at homes. I'm dying for my own kitchen!!!)
And I tried my best to love every moment.
I wasn't perfect at it
But I enjoyed so much more.
THE NOW.
We spent this weekend doing art projects and with family. (And doing more looking at homes. I'm dying for my own kitchen!!!)
And I tried my best to love every moment.
I wasn't perfect at it
But I enjoyed so much more.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Early Sunday Morning
Sunday
February 24th, 2013
6:37a.m.
Someone is stinky and someone is sleepy.
Can you guess who?
February 24th, 2013
6:37a.m.
Someone is stinky and someone is sleepy.
Can you guess who?
Saturday, February 23, 2013
A boost for the mothers
For every woman who has struggled in some way as a mother, I dedicate this to you. This is such a sacred and divine calling. These precious souls have been entrusted in our care, to love, nurture, provide and guide. And sometime such a great calling can bring us to our knees. Feelings of weakness, despair and hopelessness hang on our hearts and weigh us down. Here us a word of comfort from an apostle of God. Just a little reminder that even when we think we are failing, We are stronger than we think...
"You are doing GOD'S WORK.
You are doing it WONDERFULLY WELL.
He is BLESSING YOU and He WILL bless you, even - no, ESPECIALLY - when your DAYS and NIGHTS may be MOST CHALLENGING.
Like the WOMAN who ANONYMOUSLY, MEEKLY, perhaps even with HESITATION, and some EMBARRASSMENT, FOUGHT her way through the crowd just to touch the hem of THE MASTER'S garment, so CHRIST WILL SAY to the women who WORRY and WONDER and WEEP over their RESPONSIBILITY AS MOTHERS,
'DAUGHTER, BE OF GOOD COMFORT;
THY FAITH HATH MADE THEE WHOLE.'
And it will make YOUR CHILDREN whole as well."
-Jeffrey R. Holland
"You are doing GOD'S WORK.
You are doing it WONDERFULLY WELL.
He is BLESSING YOU and He WILL bless you, even - no, ESPECIALLY - when your DAYS and NIGHTS may be MOST CHALLENGING.
Like the WOMAN who ANONYMOUSLY, MEEKLY, perhaps even with HESITATION, and some EMBARRASSMENT, FOUGHT her way through the crowd just to touch the hem of THE MASTER'S garment, so CHRIST WILL SAY to the women who WORRY and WONDER and WEEP over their RESPONSIBILITY AS MOTHERS,
'DAUGHTER, BE OF GOOD COMFORT;
THY FAITH HATH MADE THEE WHOLE.'
And it will make YOUR CHILDREN whole as well."
-Jeffrey R. Holland
Thursday, February 21, 2013
One of those moments
Ever have one of those moments when you look at where you once were and where you are now and you realize just how far you have come?
With PPD I felt like I was drowning. And I didn't want anyone to know. I thought I was weak. And like my dear friend put it, no matter how hard you try to swim it seems so much easier to just drown.
But today I realized just how far I've come. I have so much more energy. I love my husband more than ever! And we have the best, most adorable little boy in the whole world. Things are far from perfect, but we have our moments of pure bliss. It's in Tug's dimpled smile. It's in Tyler's romantic kiss and warm embrace. It's when I gather my tiny family together to read scriptures and pray together, even when Tug is screaming his head off.
And now I can smile and really mean it. I'm gaining confidence and learning to be happy. It's not easy. But it's worth it.
With PPD I felt like I was drowning. And I didn't want anyone to know. I thought I was weak. And like my dear friend put it, no matter how hard you try to swim it seems so much easier to just drown.
But today I realized just how far I've come. I have so much more energy. I love my husband more than ever! And we have the best, most adorable little boy in the whole world. Things are far from perfect, but we have our moments of pure bliss. It's in Tug's dimpled smile. It's in Tyler's romantic kiss and warm embrace. It's when I gather my tiny family together to read scriptures and pray together, even when Tug is screaming his head off.
And now I can smile and really mean it. I'm gaining confidence and learning to be happy. It's not easy. But it's worth it.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Fishy!
This weekend we took a family trip to the aquarium in Sandy. We had such a charming time! Tug wanted to see everything so I ended up holding him while Tyler pushed the stroller.
Tug loved the jelly fish and the speedy penguins. We happened to be by the otters when they were being fed. One came right up to the glass where Tug and I were standing. He (Tug) bounced his feet, blue eyes perfectly round and began cooing at the fat little otter. I think that was his favorite part.
Personally, the octopus and bird-eating spider was enough to cause nightmares for me, but my favorite part was the huge sea turtle (bigger than Tug!!!) and the sea horses. Tyler's highlight was touching a starfish, bat-ray and a small shark. I wouldn't touch the water. (Thinking of all that fish poop made me gag.)
Tug will be three months old next week and he can almost roll over and is loving to sit up and play the piano!
In other news, I'm house hungry. So we are doing some house shopping. It will be rough and tight but I think we can do it!
Tug loved the jelly fish and the speedy penguins. We happened to be by the otters when they were being fed. One came right up to the glass where Tug and I were standing. He (Tug) bounced his feet, blue eyes perfectly round and began cooing at the fat little otter. I think that was his favorite part.
Personally, the octopus and bird-eating spider was enough to cause nightmares for me, but my favorite part was the huge sea turtle (bigger than Tug!!!) and the sea horses. Tyler's highlight was touching a starfish, bat-ray and a small shark. I wouldn't touch the water. (Thinking of all that fish poop made me gag.)
Tug will be three months old next week and he can almost roll over and is loving to sit up and play the piano!
In other news, I'm house hungry. So we are doing some house shopping. It will be rough and tight but I think we can do it!
Friday, February 15, 2013
Goodnight Tug. Goodnight Andy. Goodnight Billy Boy.
I've had so many people ask me how I manage as a working mom. And I'm sure my co-workers often wonder what could possibly be so important that I'm rushing to get to work on time and rushing to leave so soon. So here is a typical night for my little family. I'll save my crazy day schedule for another post!
Starting at night, please note that this routine is not quite set in stone yet. We try our hardest to make sure all this happens, and that it happens about the same time, but with a young baby usually nothing goes quite as planned.
Tyler gives Tug a bath between 8:30 and 9:00. During this special daddy-tug time, I get my work clothes set out, Tug's clothes set out, make sure the diaper bag is packed with the needed medications, extra outfits, blankets, burp clothes, bibs, diapers, wipes, books, toys, etc.
Then Tyler gets Tug into pajamas and feeds him (pumped breast milk) while I shower (if I'm not already struggling from sheer exhaustion) and straighten my hair or put in curlers or let my natural frizz take over. Bedtime consists of a story (if tug will pay attention to the book. Sometimes he just wants to cuddle on my chest while I read the current novel I'm on out loud to him.) Then it's scripture reading (Tug loves the sound of the soft, thin pages turning) and prayers. Then we set Tug down in his crib, turn on his froggy night light and he goes to sleep perfectly for the next 8 hours. JUST KIDDING! I wish.
We set him down and put the doe-doe in his mouth (doe-doe is the Irish nickname for a pacifier) and I gently stroke his face and sing "Billy Boy" (my favorite old English folk song from the movie "Sarah, Plain and Tall") as his eyes get droopy.
"Oh where have you been, Billy Boy, Billy Boy? Oh where have you been, charming Billy? I have been to see my wife. She's the joy of my life. She's a young thing and cannot leave her mother."
His eyes close, and I carefully step away from the crib and proceed to go to bed. 20 minutes later, Tug begins to fuss. I go back in and sing another verse.
"Did she bid you to come in, Billy Boy, Billy Boy? Did she bid you to come in, charming Billy? Yes, she bid me to come in, there's a dimple in her chin. she's a young thing and cannot leave her mother."
And the process beings again. Eventually Billy's young wife sets a chair for him and bakes a pie in the verses to come. Sometimes Tyler does the soothing. He will sit by Tug's crib and wait for him to fuss. Then he gets up, places the doe-doe in Tug's mouth and let's him hold a finger while he sings a beach boys song or whatever tune is stuck in his head. I love it when Tyler sings.
Sometimes between these fusses, Tyler will brush my hair and we talk about our day, our plans for the week or attempt to quietly watch a movie. Sometimes we are trying to clean up the messes we ignored during the daylight hours. After a lot of fussing, a feeding and some cry it out time, by about 11:30 at least, Tug is fast asleep and we can finally go to bed.
On a good night he wakes up around two to eat and get a diaper changing and then goes right back to sleep. On a GREAT night he will sometimes sleep 6 hours straight. And bad nights he wakes up every hour or so just wanting to play or not feeling so good. Those long nights he is sick I will either give him a bath (my mom's cure-all treatment that soothes any sick person. I know I love a good warm bath or shower when I'm sick. I feel so much better after) or I steam up the bathroom just enough to warm him up and help clear his nose. Tug loves the bathroom. He likes to smile at "Andy" (our name for his reflection in the mirror) and to stare at our very colorful Toy Story themed shower curtain.
On days Tyler works at 4am I really have to be ready. I don't have anyone to watch Tug in case he wakes up or fusses while I'm pumping, showering, getting dressed etc. but on the days he leaves at 7am I have it a little easier. Some days Tug wakes up at 5:30 and wants to play. Sometimes he just wants someone to hold him. Sometimes he wakes up all smiles and sometimes he frowns, glares and even cries while I change and dress him. Some mornings are so crazy I just pack up my work clothes and go to my moms so she can entertain him while I shower and dress for work. That's nice because at 7:15 (or as close to that time as possible) I leave for my mom's house anyway. She's an angel for watching him. My heart breaks a little as I kiss him goodbye. He smiles at me or slobbers on me or doesn't even notice because my brother's brightly colored t-shirt is more interesting. Every day as I drive to work a few tears fall. And so my day begins. But like I said, I will have to tell of my crazy, wonderful days in another post.
We are in for a fun weekend so watch for our post about our exciting adventure to the aquarium! Have a great weekend!
Starting at night, please note that this routine is not quite set in stone yet. We try our hardest to make sure all this happens, and that it happens about the same time, but with a young baby usually nothing goes quite as planned.
Tyler gives Tug a bath between 8:30 and 9:00. During this special daddy-tug time, I get my work clothes set out, Tug's clothes set out, make sure the diaper bag is packed with the needed medications, extra outfits, blankets, burp clothes, bibs, diapers, wipes, books, toys, etc.
Then Tyler gets Tug into pajamas and feeds him (pumped breast milk) while I shower (if I'm not already struggling from sheer exhaustion) and straighten my hair or put in curlers or let my natural frizz take over. Bedtime consists of a story (if tug will pay attention to the book. Sometimes he just wants to cuddle on my chest while I read the current novel I'm on out loud to him.) Then it's scripture reading (Tug loves the sound of the soft, thin pages turning) and prayers. Then we set Tug down in his crib, turn on his froggy night light and he goes to sleep perfectly for the next 8 hours. JUST KIDDING! I wish.
We set him down and put the doe-doe in his mouth (doe-doe is the Irish nickname for a pacifier) and I gently stroke his face and sing "Billy Boy" (my favorite old English folk song from the movie "Sarah, Plain and Tall") as his eyes get droopy.
"Oh where have you been, Billy Boy, Billy Boy? Oh where have you been, charming Billy? I have been to see my wife. She's the joy of my life. She's a young thing and cannot leave her mother."
His eyes close, and I carefully step away from the crib and proceed to go to bed. 20 minutes later, Tug begins to fuss. I go back in and sing another verse.
"Did she bid you to come in, Billy Boy, Billy Boy? Did she bid you to come in, charming Billy? Yes, she bid me to come in, there's a dimple in her chin. she's a young thing and cannot leave her mother."
And the process beings again. Eventually Billy's young wife sets a chair for him and bakes a pie in the verses to come. Sometimes Tyler does the soothing. He will sit by Tug's crib and wait for him to fuss. Then he gets up, places the doe-doe in Tug's mouth and let's him hold a finger while he sings a beach boys song or whatever tune is stuck in his head. I love it when Tyler sings.
Sometimes between these fusses, Tyler will brush my hair and we talk about our day, our plans for the week or attempt to quietly watch a movie. Sometimes we are trying to clean up the messes we ignored during the daylight hours. After a lot of fussing, a feeding and some cry it out time, by about 11:30 at least, Tug is fast asleep and we can finally go to bed.
On a good night he wakes up around two to eat and get a diaper changing and then goes right back to sleep. On a GREAT night he will sometimes sleep 6 hours straight. And bad nights he wakes up every hour or so just wanting to play or not feeling so good. Those long nights he is sick I will either give him a bath (my mom's cure-all treatment that soothes any sick person. I know I love a good warm bath or shower when I'm sick. I feel so much better after) or I steam up the bathroom just enough to warm him up and help clear his nose. Tug loves the bathroom. He likes to smile at "Andy" (our name for his reflection in the mirror) and to stare at our very colorful Toy Story themed shower curtain.
On days Tyler works at 4am I really have to be ready. I don't have anyone to watch Tug in case he wakes up or fusses while I'm pumping, showering, getting dressed etc. but on the days he leaves at 7am I have it a little easier. Some days Tug wakes up at 5:30 and wants to play. Sometimes he just wants someone to hold him. Sometimes he wakes up all smiles and sometimes he frowns, glares and even cries while I change and dress him. Some mornings are so crazy I just pack up my work clothes and go to my moms so she can entertain him while I shower and dress for work. That's nice because at 7:15 (or as close to that time as possible) I leave for my mom's house anyway. She's an angel for watching him. My heart breaks a little as I kiss him goodbye. He smiles at me or slobbers on me or doesn't even notice because my brother's brightly colored t-shirt is more interesting. Every day as I drive to work a few tears fall. And so my day begins. But like I said, I will have to tell of my crazy, wonderful days in another post.
We are in for a fun weekend so watch for our post about our exciting adventure to the aquarium! Have a great weekend!
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
I am a Mother
Sorry I haven't posted in so long! Tug has been sick since his baby blessing and between taking care of him and work I've hardly had time to sleep!
He is growing so fast. Literally. Two months old and almost 14 pounds. I love his chunky face and thunder thighs. He is learning to touch and feel things. He enjoys petting Abbie, putting his hand under warm running water and a small bowl of sugar.
My PPD case has been getting much better. I still have a lot I need to work through, but I no longer feel like I'm drowning. I found a book that has helped immensely!
My local library recently had a book sale with some awesome sales. One of the books I picked up is called, "I am a Mother" by Jane Clayson Johnson. It's a book I wanted to read long before I ever became a mother but I never had a chance to pick it up. So when I saw this copy for only a dollar, I wasn't going to complain.
On my very first day of Jr. High I remember they had us write down what we wanted to be when we grew up, and then a teacher or councelor would help you set up a plan to take all the right classes to help you down the path of your career. I remember sitting with Mr. H (or "Runt" as my mom called him... After the pig from Chicken Little), and telling him I wanted to be a mom. He smiled so sweetly and kindly but firmly said, "That is a good possibility for you, but you might want to pick something that will bring an income to your family." In other words, being a mother wasn't going to cut it and I needed to pick a "real career."
This hurt me a little. Sure, I understand having working skills is important for situations like mine where I am required to work in order for my family to survive. Or what if I never married? What if I could not have children? I held being a wife and a mother as the highest honor. I always envisioned myself with several children and a loving husband. I felt as if they thought "I wanna be a mommy" answer was cute, but not going to get me anywhere.
I finally told Runt my "real answer" was I wanted to be a journalist. And so my writing and English classes became the center of my schooling. At least it was something I enjoyed. But deep down I knew it would never satisfy me the way being a wife and mother could. Why didnt the world honor motherhood the way I did?
In the forward of "I am a Mother," written by Sheri Dew, she makes the bold declaration that Satan has declared war on motherhood. "He knows those who rock the cradle have the power to rock this earthly empire. And he knows without righteous mothers loving and leading the next generation, the kingdom of God will fail." How true these words are!!! How many times do you hear wonderful and amazing women say, "Oh, I'm just a mom." JUST a mom??
Oprah once said, "I believe the choice to become a mother is the choice to become one of the greatest spiritual teachers there is. To create an environment that's stimulating and nurturing, to pass on a sense of responsibility to another human being, to raise a child who understands that he or she is created from good and is capable of anything- I know for sure few callings are more honourable. To play down mothering as 'small' is to crack the very foundation on which greatness stands.
The world can only value mothering to the extent that women everywhere stand and declare that it must be so! In our hands we have the power to transform the perception of motherhood... We should no longer allow a mother to be defined as 'just a mom.' It is on her back that nations are built."
Next time someone asks me what I do I will proudly say, "I am a Mother...and then I am a part-time teller." Because being Tug's mom is the most important, and number one job in the world to me. And I always want him to know that.
He is growing so fast. Literally. Two months old and almost 14 pounds. I love his chunky face and thunder thighs. He is learning to touch and feel things. He enjoys petting Abbie, putting his hand under warm running water and a small bowl of sugar.
My PPD case has been getting much better. I still have a lot I need to work through, but I no longer feel like I'm drowning. I found a book that has helped immensely!
My local library recently had a book sale with some awesome sales. One of the books I picked up is called, "I am a Mother" by Jane Clayson Johnson. It's a book I wanted to read long before I ever became a mother but I never had a chance to pick it up. So when I saw this copy for only a dollar, I wasn't going to complain.
On my very first day of Jr. High I remember they had us write down what we wanted to be when we grew up, and then a teacher or councelor would help you set up a plan to take all the right classes to help you down the path of your career. I remember sitting with Mr. H (or "Runt" as my mom called him... After the pig from Chicken Little), and telling him I wanted to be a mom. He smiled so sweetly and kindly but firmly said, "That is a good possibility for you, but you might want to pick something that will bring an income to your family." In other words, being a mother wasn't going to cut it and I needed to pick a "real career."
This hurt me a little. Sure, I understand having working skills is important for situations like mine where I am required to work in order for my family to survive. Or what if I never married? What if I could not have children? I held being a wife and a mother as the highest honor. I always envisioned myself with several children and a loving husband. I felt as if they thought "I wanna be a mommy" answer was cute, but not going to get me anywhere.
I finally told Runt my "real answer" was I wanted to be a journalist. And so my writing and English classes became the center of my schooling. At least it was something I enjoyed. But deep down I knew it would never satisfy me the way being a wife and mother could. Why didnt the world honor motherhood the way I did?
In the forward of "I am a Mother," written by Sheri Dew, she makes the bold declaration that Satan has declared war on motherhood. "He knows those who rock the cradle have the power to rock this earthly empire. And he knows without righteous mothers loving and leading the next generation, the kingdom of God will fail." How true these words are!!! How many times do you hear wonderful and amazing women say, "Oh, I'm just a mom." JUST a mom??
Oprah once said, "I believe the choice to become a mother is the choice to become one of the greatest spiritual teachers there is. To create an environment that's stimulating and nurturing, to pass on a sense of responsibility to another human being, to raise a child who understands that he or she is created from good and is capable of anything- I know for sure few callings are more honourable. To play down mothering as 'small' is to crack the very foundation on which greatness stands.
The world can only value mothering to the extent that women everywhere stand and declare that it must be so! In our hands we have the power to transform the perception of motherhood... We should no longer allow a mother to be defined as 'just a mom.' It is on her back that nations are built."
Next time someone asks me what I do I will proudly say, "I am a Mother...and then I am a part-time teller." Because being Tug's mom is the most important, and number one job in the world to me. And I always want him to know that.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Baby of mine
Wow! Talk about a busy weekend! Before i begin I need to say that I am so glad I spoke up about my PPD. I would not have had such a good experience if I was not feeling better. The medication is helping a lot. And my heart aches to think if all of the mothers with PPD who have suffered in silence.
Yesterday morning I went shopping with my mom while my sister watched Tug. Tyler had been up with him all night so I left him at home to catch up on sleep.
My mom has a thing for fancy makeup, so I spent more time in the makeup isle than I usually dare to. Especially being a newlywed/new mommy. And I did end up buying a lot of makeup tools and colors. The most expensive thing I bought was three dollars! Yup. I went for the super cheap e.l.f. stuff. It's actually really good for being so inexpensive! I once read in a VERY good Anita Stansfield book that every woman deserves to have her own things that help her feel beautiful. I've never forgotten that. It's amazing what a new lotion or mascara can do to your day.
After shopping I took Tug home to get Tyler and myself ready for a double baptism. My sweet little cousins, Scott and Jayne Elizabeth made the choice to be baptized on the same day. I still can't believe they are that old! I remember when each if them was born.
During the confirmations, Tug had a blow out diaper that went ALL the way up his back. Thankfully I always pack an extra outfit. And today's back up outfit was a batman onesie and gray sweats. Tyler cleaned Tug up (and up and up!) and I looked around and realized we are going to baptize Tug eight years from now. The thought made me tear up. When Tyler brought him back I held him just a little tighter and kissed him one more time.
This morning my day started at 4A.M. I had put stick curlers in my hair the night before to save on time but I still had so much to do. Tug was blessed today and I wanted to appear like super mom and have everything perfect. You know when you plan and look forward to something you always imagine what it will be like? That's half the fun if the whole event in my opinion - day dreaming about how you want things to go.
After several outfit changes to Tug and myself, a bubble bath and three feedings, our tiny basement apartment was a disaster. I thought of all the exercise I was getting stepping over everything. I woke Tyler and we were on our way (actually on time again!!!)
So many friends and loved ones came and I was so thankful. And the blessing was beautiful. Tyler did great. It was such a special moment for us when Tyler came back to sit with me. We held Tug in our arms and held each other. Tears glistened in our eyes as we looked into Tug's sleepy eyes. Tyler kissed my hair and neck and held my hand so tight. No words were needed.
The blessing spoke of my sweet little Tug and his future. I really began to think about the little man I gave birth too. He is going to have trials and struggles. He is going to love and grow. And someday he is going to grow up, find a wonderful daughter if God and move away to start his own family. It was another eye opening moment that made me hold him a little closer to my heart. I know that as his mother I will have the biggest influence on his life and the kind of man he will become. I know I won't be perfect but I know I will do my best to be the best mom for him and his siblings. So for now I'll try to always keep an eternal perspective in the children I raise, and dedicate my whole self to this sweet, amazing baby of mine.
Yesterday morning I went shopping with my mom while my sister watched Tug. Tyler had been up with him all night so I left him at home to catch up on sleep.
My mom has a thing for fancy makeup, so I spent more time in the makeup isle than I usually dare to. Especially being a newlywed/new mommy. And I did end up buying a lot of makeup tools and colors. The most expensive thing I bought was three dollars! Yup. I went for the super cheap e.l.f. stuff. It's actually really good for being so inexpensive! I once read in a VERY good Anita Stansfield book that every woman deserves to have her own things that help her feel beautiful. I've never forgotten that. It's amazing what a new lotion or mascara can do to your day.
After shopping I took Tug home to get Tyler and myself ready for a double baptism. My sweet little cousins, Scott and Jayne Elizabeth made the choice to be baptized on the same day. I still can't believe they are that old! I remember when each if them was born.
During the confirmations, Tug had a blow out diaper that went ALL the way up his back. Thankfully I always pack an extra outfit. And today's back up outfit was a batman onesie and gray sweats. Tyler cleaned Tug up (and up and up!) and I looked around and realized we are going to baptize Tug eight years from now. The thought made me tear up. When Tyler brought him back I held him just a little tighter and kissed him one more time.
This morning my day started at 4A.M. I had put stick curlers in my hair the night before to save on time but I still had so much to do. Tug was blessed today and I wanted to appear like super mom and have everything perfect. You know when you plan and look forward to something you always imagine what it will be like? That's half the fun if the whole event in my opinion - day dreaming about how you want things to go.
After several outfit changes to Tug and myself, a bubble bath and three feedings, our tiny basement apartment was a disaster. I thought of all the exercise I was getting stepping over everything. I woke Tyler and we were on our way (actually on time again!!!)
So many friends and loved ones came and I was so thankful. And the blessing was beautiful. Tyler did great. It was such a special moment for us when Tyler came back to sit with me. We held Tug in our arms and held each other. Tears glistened in our eyes as we looked into Tug's sleepy eyes. Tyler kissed my hair and neck and held my hand so tight. No words were needed.
The blessing spoke of my sweet little Tug and his future. I really began to think about the little man I gave birth too. He is going to have trials and struggles. He is going to love and grow. And someday he is going to grow up, find a wonderful daughter if God and move away to start his own family. It was another eye opening moment that made me hold him a little closer to my heart. I know that as his mother I will have the biggest influence on his life and the kind of man he will become. I know I won't be perfect but I know I will do my best to be the best mom for him and his siblings. So for now I'll try to always keep an eternal perspective in the children I raise, and dedicate my whole self to this sweet, amazing baby of mine.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Baby blues work out
This morning Tug was full of smiles. And so was I. Which is a good sign. With PPD it can be hard to smile at all. But it's Friday! I have a happy baby boy, an amazing husband and I'm surrounded by wonderful people! I think that's the hardest part about PPD. You have such a great life. You have every reason to be happy and yet it hurts to even pretend to smile. It made me feel like I was a horrible person for not being happy.
Tyler and I had high hopes that returning to work would help with the depression. Getting out and away for a bit, talking to people and smiling like a good teller should. But if anything it made it worse.
Now that I'm on medication, we are doing other things to try to boost my spirits and one of those things is running. Both Tyler and I ran cross country in high school and its something we both enjoy to do together. We are a team. I love running with my best friend. I love him more than life itself.
Running is one of the best ways to help me feel better. Not only am I working out my frustrations, sadness and fears, I'm working out (literally) to help myself feel good about myself. Because, lets face it, it's hard to feel pretty after having a baby. My mom described it to me as feeling like a Doctor Seuss character. And she was exactly right. Even though I've lost all the baby weight, plus some, I still struggle. But running a few miles every week and training for my summer races helps me to feel so much better about myself and helps me to be more positive. Because every mile that I run I'm working out a better me. A happier, healthier me! I am so thankful that I have the ability to run. A healthy way to clear my head.
And since today is Friday, it's running night. I'm so ready to work out my weekly frustrations and prepare for our big weekend coming up. We have two baptisms and Tug is being blessed on Sunday!
Tyler and I had high hopes that returning to work would help with the depression. Getting out and away for a bit, talking to people and smiling like a good teller should. But if anything it made it worse.
Now that I'm on medication, we are doing other things to try to boost my spirits and one of those things is running. Both Tyler and I ran cross country in high school and its something we both enjoy to do together. We are a team. I love running with my best friend. I love him more than life itself.
Running is one of the best ways to help me feel better. Not only am I working out my frustrations, sadness and fears, I'm working out (literally) to help myself feel good about myself. Because, lets face it, it's hard to feel pretty after having a baby. My mom described it to me as feeling like a Doctor Seuss character. And she was exactly right. Even though I've lost all the baby weight, plus some, I still struggle. But running a few miles every week and training for my summer races helps me to feel so much better about myself and helps me to be more positive. Because every mile that I run I'm working out a better me. A happier, healthier me! I am so thankful that I have the ability to run. A healthy way to clear my head.
And since today is Friday, it's running night. I'm so ready to work out my weekly frustrations and prepare for our big weekend coming up. We have two baptisms and Tug is being blessed on Sunday!
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