Congrats! You are going to have a baby! That is exciting! You better hang on to that exciting piece of news, because for most of us with HG it is the only highlight of the pregnancy.
You are about to endure the longest 40 weeks of your life (if you make it that far). You will be tired, malnourished, dizzy, achy, constipated (thanks to the love-hate relationship with Zofran), and sicker than you have ever been or ever will be in your entire life. You will reach a point when you think that you cannot make it any longer. You will reach a point when you want to quit. You will reach a point when you simply cannot be strong anymore.
You will look at other pregnant women with a deep jealousy. I know I would have loved to have just been hot, tired, sore and swollen.
You will hear survivors say,
"Once you hold that baby in your arms, you forget all the pain and suffering of the last nine months!" And they mean it. And you will want to punch them.
You will encounter people who do not understand.
"She is faking it. No one gets THAT sick when you are pregnant." (I don't care who you are, you can't fake being so sick that you need to be hospitalized.)
"Oh it's normal! It will pass!" (Sorry, but there is nothing normal about throwing up blood and Hulk-green stomach acid 20+ times a day.)
"Can't you just TRY to get better? Like, really try. I don't think you are trying hard enough. Just WILL yourself to get better."
"It's all in your head." (My husband said this to me once during my first pregnancy in an attempt to comfort me when we had to pull over so I could puke on a tree because we were all out of barf bags... Let's just say he never said it again.)
You will encounter one of "those" people. You know the ones.
"Have you tried crackers? What about ginger? What about those sickness bands? Did you rub the ginger on your belly? Did you rub it on your toes? Did you try eating every two hours?" (I can't tell you how many times I threw up crackers, peppermint, ginger, etc. If it really worked I would not have needed a PICC line. And honestly, the best natural remedy for HG is giving birth!)
You'll meet a lot of people like that. Be kind. They do not understand and they have every intention of trying to help. HG is not something you fully understand until you have been through it yourself. My mom and all five of her sisters suffered mild to near death cases of HG and even though I watched it all I never fully understood what they went through until I was the one in the hospital bed while three different nurses tried to put an IV in me.
You will dream about all the fatty foods you can get your hands on. You will dream about drinking buckets and buckets of water and wake up crying because you're throwing up before you even fully sit up. You'll long to be "normal." You will give anything just to feel well enough to go outside to get the mail. You'll miss your old self.
You will reach a point when you wonder if it is worth it.
I asked for some REAL responses from women who have been in your shoes. These amazing survivors come from all walks of life. They know what it is like to feel alone. They know what it is like to feel so helpless.
They know the stress of dealing with clueless doctors, mean nurses, unsupportive family and friends, worrying about your other children that need you, tracking fluid intake and output, vitamins, ER visits, hospital stays, hospital bills, IVs, PICC lines, feeding tubes, pumps, calorie counting, weight loss, and the impact HG has on your personal relationships.
I asked these moms if there was anything they wish they could go back and tell themselves when they were sick with HG. These are just a few of the amazing responses!
Dear Mom with HG,
"Don't forget your significant other. It's hard on him too. You can't forget that he also has emotional needs. Sometimes he will need to cry or complain or just vent. And even though you feel like death, you need to show him that he is still important to you. When you feel this sick it is hard to show any sympathy to anyone else. HG is not worth fighting over. It's hard enough as it is. Don't let it ruin your relationships too."
"Don't be afraid to ask for help or to admit you need help. Asking for help is a sign of
STRENGTH, not a sign of weakness."
"You are a lot more likely to get help when you remain pleasant and not bitter. Don't wait so long to ask for help that you are already bitter about the situation."
"It DOES end. I know you feel like it never will and that nine months is just too long. But it WILL end. It is worth making it to the end. Wring your heart out. Stay strong. The little person inside you will grow up to become someone amazing and every time you look at him/her you will know true strength."
"These nine months are only a small fraction of your parenting journey. You have many wonderful adventures ahead. It is worth it. Try to look at it from an eternal perspective."
"Try (we know it's hard) to not be so angry when people say ignorant things. They don't know what you are facing. Keep the people who support you close."
"There are a lot of "ups" (example: finally having a bowel movement after two weeks, holding down 1/4 of a milkshake, gaining a pound or two) and there are a lot of "downs" (more downs than anything. I'm sure you don't need an example). But the biggest "up" will come in the form of a precious baby."
"The toughest challenges in life are worth the most."
"Don't worry about vitamins and what you should try to eat. You have HG. Just eat what you can whenever you can."
"Don't be stubborn. Go to the hospital when you need to. Even if you just THINK you might need an IV. It's better to go and get it than to let yourself suffer more." (When I read this one my husband gave me the "I told you so" look.)
"Push for better treatment. Be an advocate for yourself. Switch doctors if you need to. This is your life and your baby's life. You need the best treatment you can get." (For advice or help finding a better doctor in your area, visit helpher.org)
"Don't be afraid to 'fire' bad nurses. If they aren't treating you well or aren't washing their hands or something. You need to remember that YOU are paying THEM to help you. You have every right to ask for a different nurse. Don't let them intimidate you." (This one came from my dear mother, who suffered HG FIVE times. She is my hero.)
"Invest in paper/plastic plates, bowls, cups, etc. It will save your energy from doing dishes and you wont have to deal with a smelly sink."
"It is normal for someone with HG to feel guilty. And I think I felt too much guilt. I don't know if I have any advice for that because I don't think you can prevent it. But know that it is not your fault."
"Don't lie to yourself or to your doctor about how awful you feel."
"You may not be able to feel it or visualize it, but one day you will be happy again. I used to hate hearing people say it will be worth it... But it truly is."
"You will feel guilty asking for help, especially with your other children. You may feel like a bad mother for not being able to do normal mommy things or cook and clean. But as an HG child myself, I watched my mom suffer with HG four times after me and I hardly remember it. I remember bits and pieces but it didn't have such a big impact on my life. It didn't shake our relationship or scar me. I knew she loved me. And I understood that when my sibling came that she would get better again."
(This last one is my favorite.)
"This suffering is terrible, but it will utterly change who you are and how you respond to others' suffering. It will help you understand why Christ carried that cross. Hang in there. You can do this."
No one knows the cause of Hyperemesis Gravidarum. There is no cure (except delivery... and that first meal after delivering is pure heaven!) Please know that you are not alone. There are women and doctors who understand. It WILL end. It is nine months of pure agony for a life time of joy. And I promise you that you will not regret one second that you spend hunched over the toilet seat with a towel at your knees, just in case you puke so hard that you can't control your bladder. Good luck, Momma!
(If you think you might be suffering from HG, you can visit helpher.org to look up symptoms and get help with treatment.)
